


Kweh?

by Starshe11



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Gen, Nekota no Koto ga Kininatte Shikatanai References, Watashi ga Motete Dousunda References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 02:31:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16864516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starshe11/pseuds/Starshe11
Summary: "Of course it won’t come off!” Prompto yelled. “It’s not supposed to!”





	Kweh?

**Author's Note:**

> Setting: Undisclosed Room Number, Three Z’s Motel, Old Lestallum | Pre-Altissia  
> Prompt: “IT’S NOT COMING OFF!” + Noctis

Since leaving Insomnia, Noctis Lucis Caelum had seen his fair share of strange things.

Daemon fish, rainbow frogs, Eos’ biggest rat in their motel bathroom…you name it, he’s most likely seen it twice.

 

But nothing, not even going to another frickin’ dimension, could’ve topped this.

 

“IT’S NOT COMING OFF!” Noctis near-shrieked.

 

“Of course it won’t come off!” Prompto yelled. “It’s not supposed to!”

 

“Not when it looks like that it is!” Noctis grunted as he continued to pull.

 

“Like what exactly?!” The blond screeched as he struggled to escape his best friend’s hold.

 

“What exactly is going on here?” Ignis’ familiar voice came from the doorway, laced with worry. A heavy pair of footsteps soon followed, drawing closer to the pair.

“Noct! Have you finally lost it?” Gladiolus swiftly pulled the two apart, holding the prince at arm’s length. “What’s up with you?”

 

“You don’t see it?!” Noctis quit struggling as he turned to face his Shield. “Are you shitting me?”

“What we see is the future King of Lucis trying to decapitate one of his dearest friends.” Ignis quickly shut the door before going to put a firm hand on Noctis’ shoulder. “Now please…tell us what exactly it is about Prompto this morning that makes you want to do so.”

 

“He’s…he’s…” Noctis spluttered.

 

“He’s what?” Gladiolus huffed. “Looks like his usual, ‘cept with more of a chocobo head than usual thanks to you.”

 

“Hey!” Prompto pouted. “I’m the victim here, remember?”

 

“But that’s the thing!” Noctis threw up his hands. “He has a chocobo head!”

 

“Dude, if you didn’t like my hair, that was so not the way to tell me.” The gunslinger put his hands on his hips in mock offense.

 

“No, I didn’t mean your usual hair, man.” The distraught royal complained. “What I’m trying to say is…”

 

“…Prompto has a literal chocobo’s head?” Ignis cocked an inquisitive eyebrow. “Noct…”

 

“Are you high right now?” Gladiolus deadpanned as he checked the younger man’s sapphire orbs for confirmation. “Or did the salmon from last night do something to your head?”

 

“I’m not crazy!” Noctis slapped his hands away. “There’s feathers…and, and a beak!”

 

“Well then how do you explain me and Iggy being able to see him just fine?” Gladiolus countered, his tone becoming defensive.

 

“Enough, you two.” Ignis pinched the bridge of his nose. “Arguing won’t help matters any.”

 

“Yeah!” Prompto chimed in. “As much as I love how straight out of an anime this is, I kinda wanna keep my head on? Preferably for the rest of my life.”

 

“He’s right.” Gladiolus sighed as he took a seat on the edge of the bed. “So how do we figure out what’s making His Majesty’s panties get all in a bunch?”

 

“If I recall…” Ignis strolled over to the armchair and took a seat. “We hunted that swarm of killer bees yesterday…”

 

“And the chickatrices by the Vesperpool!” Prompto snapped his fingers.

 

“We went through Crestholm the other day too…” Gladiolus mused. “Maybe the leftover fumes messed with your head a little?”

 

“But you guys pretty much crammed me with antidotes and smelling salts after…” Noctis hummed. “Maybe it really was the fish?”

“It wouldn’t hurt us to ask the chef regarding the dish’s state of freshness.” Ignis nodded. “The diner is just across the motel, anyhow.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ah, I was sick yesterday.” The owner/head cook of the Crow’s Nest shrugged. “Just as I was ‘bout to close up shop, this fella said he wanted to pitch in.”

 

“That’s pretty unusual, if you don’t mind me saying so.” Gladiolus cast the man a worried look. “Why’d you agree?”

 

“The guy looked like he was in need of some quick cash.” The older man replied. “Couldn’t just turn down a fella in need. ‘Sides, from what I tasted, he can cook a helluva salmon.”

 

“While we commend your kindness, Sir,” Ignis began as he pulled Noctis to his side. “Our friend here has been experiencing…hallucinations of a sort after dining here the night before. We believe this fellow may be the source of our troubles…”

 

“You boys tryin’ to say something?” The owner growled.

 

“No, not at all! We love it here!” Prompto jumped in. “We just wanna make sure our buddy is okay…we’re really worried about him…”

 

“Sorry, boys.” The old man shot them a sheepish expression. “I know y’all didn’t mean anything by it.”

“If it helps y’all any, I remember how he looks like.” He continued. “Would that be enough to get started?”

“It would be more than enough.” Ignis smiled as he pulled out his notebook and pen, poised to write.

 

“Great!” The manager cheered. Gesturing to Gladiolus, he said, “Now, he’s a pretty tall fella, ‘bout as tall as this muscle guy of yours.”

“About my height…” The Shield mumbled. “Yeah, go on.”

 

“Looked mighty scruffy, too.” The owner nodded. “Like a hobo or somethin’.”

“Wait…hobo?” Prompto’s eyes widened in shock. It couldn’t be…could it?

 

“Oh! The darndest thing was his hair, though!” The owner continued to talk as if he hadn’t heard a word. “Only seen that shade of maroon on one a’ Wiz’s chocobos.”

“Maroon…?” Noctis could feel his blood pressure rise. “That fucker…”

 

“That help y’all some?” The old man shot the group a smile.

“Plenty.” Noctis grit out as he made his way out of the diner, the others hot on his heels. “Thanks.”

 

“Don’t mention it.” The old man smiled and waved at the foursome as he watched them drive away in a huff.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

When they were completely out of sight, the owner let out a soft chuckle as he made his way out of the diner.

“Don’t mention it at all…”

“Now then…” Ardyn smirked. “How long until they discover the antidote for the toxin in that ‘salmon’ is a kiss? Oh well~.”


End file.
